Everytime I think of her I wanna kill, and everytime I speak of her I lose all will

--------to live forever----------

For her and .never. to return to my sad house. Blackened by the heart that quakes with the fear of false love and the scars of hatred.

Teenage angst is ever so painful but it consumes 19 years of our lives as always. No mercy for the weak and the .young. ones are always broken in first.

I doubt this will be the last time I will tell her a lie and the half truth. I can't always tell her I love her for who she is because she just doesn't .matter. consisting of acid and mind numbing integrity; holding on to nothing but your very soul, eating .away. from the sun and night where the twilight makes love.

A wall of men to do her every bidding. Always the tool to be used when most appropriate as usual, I bend to her transluscent .tears. falling out my eyes that I wish were me bleeding so I may die of blood loss.

The punishment of god, the curse of bearing the presence of women, a man without purpose and without reason to stay on. The torture of being poisoned by your love and purified by her stupidity she deems as her love and affection. Her voice and face are sickening like .diseases. I wish I had to cause me to go blind and to go deaf.

What did I do to get all this suffering? What did I do to get so much hate and gain in so much apathy? From the time god took his crook and bludgeted across my .crowning. through to the moment I was dragged to her feet to be able to give myself to the she-devil.

Artificial promises and alchemical adoration, a heretical issue I've struggled against. In strife I will fight without hesitation but as my sisters have said, men in general never hesitate, but the women oh woe as I. Staked and muted with pity and guilt, I will carry both our crosses across our dreamy threshold and bake between a very hard and bisexual place.

Let those who had chosen a new sexuality due to their bloody circumstances be praised, I stay chaste and let to stray still to my woman. By chains, by weight, by bearing, by bars, and by a woman will I be obligated to stay close and take care of her forever.

Everyone besides her will walk by my cell and look down upon me. I will walk before my being, spit on me, and damn me for allowing myself to be there. I can never forgive myself for anything, but I have to find this solution, this formula to let go of my chemical romance.